Happy Friendship Day, my friends. I am reminded of a Nickelodeon TV show about two friends hosting a web show and the crazy antics they would go through as their friendship grew and was threatened. I loved it because “iCarly” was a funny show, but also because I never had that kind of friendship growing up. Something about me never allowed that kind of a friendship to grow.
I have had friends, still do, my husband being the most notable one. I have usually been full of light and love and laughter. When a bully threatened me in seventh grade, I told on her and went on with my life without bully issues again. Growing up, I knew people and was friendly with many, but I never had a “friend through thick and thin.” I didn’t understand why, really. I wondered if there was something intrinsically wrong with me.
In Eighth grade, Mom stuck me with a counselor. All I really remember about that time was the counselor’s insistence that I needed to make friends. We made a deal, if I invited someone on an outing, I could stop the sessions. So, I did. I had those friends through Junior High, but we grew apart when we went to separate high schools. The one who went to my high school remained friendly for many years, but we went separate ways – I joined the choral performing group, she joined the band dance squad. I fell back into my loner ways because that was my essence.
My adult life continued that M.O. – I made friends, but I never turned to them for help so deep connections were rarely formed. When I needed to vent, I would. Then I would jump to my happy state again. I’m not a bitter person. Even though I have loner tendencies, people turn to me for help and I give it to them. I am an ear and a shoulder and a hand to grasp in times of pain, but I rarely have someone I can lean on when I’m lost or doubting or upset.
It became brutally clear in the past year. I had a friend through thick-or-thin, in a sense. I dealt with her emotional upheavals, she dealt with mine. It was fun. I crossed the country for her and grew.
Past tense. I am still essentially a loner. I’m beginning to realize there’s a reason for that. (More on than later …)
In that TV show, Carly and Sam had their fights. Face-to-face, all-out pull-hair-out, kicking-and-screaming fights resolved by their friend, Freddy’s, insistence that they deal with each other before they lose their friendship. But in this day of cross-country-, texting- and Facebook-friendships, it is too easy to unfriend during an argument. Even easier to block all communication.
It hurts to realize that the past is past, and I hope old wounds heal and friendships continue through time. I’m ready, though. That friend helped me grow and get to this point. I know that we will come together one day, either in this life or in the afterlife, whenever the time is right, but we had become each other’s crutch.
This summer I have learned something important. There is a reason I am a loner, and it’s not something to be sad about.
I am a Lightworker.
What is that, you may ask.
“Lightworkers are those who volunteered, before birth, to help the planet and its population heal from the effects of fear. Each lightworker is here for a sacred purpose. Very often, however, life on earth with its material focus creates a form of amnesia in lightworkers.”
Don’t get me wrong, some sources say everyone is essentially a lightworker. The problem is the amnesia we are born into many times keeps people from remembering. I know most of my readers are aware, so this is “preaching to the choir.”
What I learned this summer is that I am a Lightworker who remembers. I am a loner because it is not my job to share my doubt and negativity. As a Lightworker, I share love and light. The love I feel around me is mostly reflected back because of the love I give. It’s a beautiful existence, most days.
Then, there are those days when it is time to move on, when my light, like the lantern in the bible story in Luke 11:33, is hidden under a basket because I have lost my joy. It is time to follow my bliss, that divine, angelic vibration that brings me joy and speaks of my true essence.
I am a different kind of Lightworker:
Forever starts today, my friends.
The Dragonfly’s Student
Wow, really well written. I enjoyed reading it You might want to consider doing this professionally…I think you could do it.
I would love to! Any idea how I can do this would be welcome!