I shared this clip 39 days ago, when I promised myself I would write every day. I’ve mostly kept my word until just recently, when I suddenly stopped. I could blame family issues or work issues or other types of personal issues. I could, but I won’t because, invariably, the final decision comes down to me. It’s my interpretations that make my own reality, after all. So, I’m making no excuses. I did what I had to do.
“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition,” the first slide of the video showed before entreating the viewer to remember who we are.
That’s what I’ve done these 40 days. Worked on my chakras and on meditating and on delving deeper into my psyche to see what makes me click. I’ve had periods of bliss. I’ve had periods of self-loathing. Fortunately, the bliss or just plain happiness are way more prevalent than the other. But the other exists, as I’m sure it does with so many of you.
I’m still in my own wilderness today, still stuck looking for my way back but not sure if I want to find it. I’m still learning, though, and that’s something, at least. I’ve got to admit it’s hard when my take on this existence has gone from “rose-colored glasses” last year to “reasonably upbeat realist.”
I’ve changed in ways that make this even harder, though. The lows I feel are much lower than they used to be last year. I’ve been able to crack that outer shell that was protecting me for the many, many years before I allowed myself to open my heart and start my Vision Quest. To balance those lows, though, the highs I feel are much higher.
Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness, where he was tempted by the devil several times. I do think I’ve been tempted during my own adventure in the wilderness. Not by the devil himself, of course, but by my own doubts. I will not compare my temptations with his. We each have our own personal demons. I’m going to have to look back now and analyze those little buggers.
The Dragonfly’s Student