A Mental Matrix

I was studying Carl Jung and active imagination when I got a flash of reminiscence to the days of my Dragonfly Teacher. I realize now that my storytelling was a method. A well-established method.

Now, I’m beginning to get it. These original blogs, I now see, were the process my Sol was taking to process and learn.

I was inquiet at first — a mother who had chosen to trade in my newspaper career for a teaching career, attempting to remain a part of my sons’ education after the public school system took over.

My sons and I could be on similar schedules, where I could connect with the coworkers and colleagues who were my sons’ teachers. Nothing nefarious. That is just the way I chose to remain involved with my sons’ learning lives.

I’ve met other parents who have done the same. Some are custodians or cafeteria workers or teachers or secretaries. … Like my mom.

I will always respect parents who have moved mountains to provide for their children.

As my sons grew up, I realized I was still lost. I had lost myself in the melee of reality.

These Dragonfly blogs were the only thing keeping my thoughts focused on guiding my inner essence through its growth. They were my “thinking reports” as I searched for myself.

I look back over the years, and then, I remember, … but never fully.

At other times, I have these existential musings where I am living in a matrix of my own making, where I am the storyteller and a character in my own tales.

You see, I have been using this blog to help me see the truth buried behind the masks I wore. The characters … Writer, Irreverent, Faith, even some of the Dragonfly’s guests and parts of the Dragonfly himself, were all parts of who I am. Obviously, they were parts of me that needed to be found and reintegrated onto the Merry-Go-Round that is the essence of me.

I am still identifying the parts of me that need to be empowered so as to reach the full maturity of the coccoon of my inner butterfly.

For now, I am the “Faith”-full “Writer” who has allowed her “Irreverent” self to embrace the scattered parts of the shattered soul I’ve been trying to piece together like a big jigsaw puzzle.

I have good news. The pieces of me have learned to work together…. at least most of the time.

Every day I thank the Most High Creator God for His patience. I hope you, my readers, can find your own path to developing the butterfly in yourselves.

Most gratefully,

The Dragonfly’s Student